http://www.mahoodsculpture.com/met-sculpture-garden/
Is this stort starter good or bad? ?
Beautiful Stranger
As I gazed up towards the sky the blurry male figure soon merged into one. Our eyes met suddenly, an energetic sensation washing over me as he slid his beautifully sculptured hand around mine, and, for a moment, the whole world stood still… I starred into his deep green eyes, I was confused, maybe panicking, but I stayed calm. What turned out to be a night of dinner with my friends outside soon turned to a romantic dream land, his hand soothing me, I didn’t know what to say, I was breathless, but I layed there throughout the night with the ghost like boy holding my hand tight. The next sunny morning I woke up in my own bed, I wasn’t outside in the garden laying beside me half eaten food at all, my memory flickered back to the romantic night last night, and I sighed in destiny.
The whole story is strange. Or maybe I should say the writing is strange.
“the blurry male figure soon merged into one” ???
“Male figure’ is already a singular. How can one person merge into one?
“I starred into his deep green eyes”
‘Starred’???
“laying beside me half eaten food at all” I don’t even know what this sentence means.
Or this one:
“I sighed in destiny.” How does anyone ‘sigh in destiny’?
“The next sunny morning” is also weird. Did you mean the next day or the next time it was sunny? If it rained for several days, did you sleep until it was a sunny morning?
Maybe you were going for a dream like state, but it comes out weird.
I also don’t see what’s so romantic about spending a night with a strange ghost like boy who merged into one from the sky.
It’s a very convoluted story, like you’re trying too hard.
Let your story flow more naturally.
Visit to the Metropolitan on 7-27-07